Now the whole cheating - or no cheating thing started [that is at least, what she explained to me], when Sarah had a serious skin desease. She was whining the whole day, and to be honest her behavior couldn't be fully subscribed with iffy. She was really nasty! 

So - I left her alone. I didn't cooked much for her, I didn't helped her with her things and only drove her reluctantly to the hospital.

She spent thousand of dirhams on a specialty doctor... and was nasty...

Well - on my side, it was like that: even much longer time ago - more than 4 or 5 years - I developed quite a bad depression. This all peaked, when I was working at the Grand Hyatt Dubai - around 2 1/2 years ago.

It was not pleasant - I didn't went to a psychologist - as I thought I could simply not afford this. Insurances don't pay in the ME for whacky doctors.

She actually dissembled interest. Told me, if I would know, what she can do, she would do it.

Well the only thing I wanted is a caring partner - and this unfortunately she wasn't able to give.

As always, she was short tempered, sarcastic, challenging, nasty... nothing new.

I finally kinda fixed my condition, with... ignorance. 

But when she became sick, the sleeping depression [well I had depressions, but they were not life-threatening] broke out and I tried to fight it as usually - with ignorance.

This is about it.

Now excuses and accusations are moving back and forth between us. She is telling me, that it makes her anxious, that I went on her computer - I am telling her, that she does that 7 years long. She told me, that I had some messages with girls - I tell her, that her sex messages are much worse.

At the end, she is annoyed and I am totally clueless, what to do with me and what to think!

Funny thing is, that I don't want to reproach all of this. But I want to talk about my feelings [oh - I have to be very sick - this is so not me].

She just don't want to do her life - with or without me - and I cannot understand this. I would like to be with her, however not with these therms.